Going Under
by Kinneko
Summary: Kagura is free... or is she? R
1. Wind of Betrayal

Going Under  
  
Wind of Betrayal  
  
"Shit!" I heard the wolf demon whimper in pain as he lay among the rubble. I looked at the shards he once possessed that were now in my hands. I decided I was going to take Sesshomaru's advice. I will defeat Naraku. I heard the taijiya yell something to Kouga but ignored.  
  
I heard loud roaring and looked up at the sky. Once again I heard the taijiya talk but ignored her. All I knew was that Naraku's demons were here, and that meant I could be caught. The taijiya sent her boomerang killing only a few of the millions of demons. I wondered if Naraku knew I was betraying him. I wondered if he was going to kill me.  
  
"Why are you staring off into space for?!" a loud voice screamed at me. I looked over and gasped but it was too late. A fist connected firmly with the side of my face knocking the shards from my grasp.  
  
"Got it!" he yelled stumbling clumsily for the shards.  
  
"Ryujinomai!" I screamed in an attempt to stop him. A tornado descended from the dark clouds right on his hand. I listened joyfully to his agonizing screams. More tornadoes descended at the command of my power rolling the wolf around like a rag doll. Hell, he was so beat up he looked like one. I watched in amusement as they lifted him into the air. He screamed again, the sound filling my ears.  
  
He fell to the ground barely moving. As I saw his eyes open I noticed they were slightly rolled back. He was close to death.  
  
"Just give up and die, Kouga!" I advised as I swung my fan down commanding another wind onto him. I noticed the sun starting to rise but ignored it as I watched the wind crush the wolf to a pulp.  
  
'I got him.' I thought confidently. As the smoke started to clear I gasped. Was that...was that Inuyasha...HUMAN?! Wait, his hair's silver. But, I could have sworn his hair was black for a moment. He sent his usual smirk toward me.  
  
"Kagura, it's not fun to pick on the little wimpy wolf."  
  
I would have laughed, should it have been a different situation. "Inuyasha." I called out actually taking in the fact it was him for real. He drew Tetsusaiga as un-gracefully as ever.  
  
"Now it's my turn!" I felt my breathe catch in my throat but held the surprise back. If I had a heart, I'm sure I would be dieing from anxiety.  
  
We went to a stare off, neither of us moving.  
  
"Inuyasha, are you so stupid?" I heard Kouga wheeze out. "Showing up as a human." I couldn't believe he was talking like that around me. Even if I could barely hear him I could make out the words. Baka. He just told me I was correct.  
  
"If he didn't make it in time, you would have been killed by Kagura's wind." I hear the houshi inform.  
  
"Heh, I can't believe it. Just to help me, he ran to the rescue knowing his secret would be revealed."  
  
I thought on the matter for a moment. Wait-wasn't last night a full moon? "Huh, Inuyasha, the day you loose your demon powers is known by me."  
  
"Keh, yeah, so what?!" I was amazed at his stupidity. "You know what that means when I come back to normal!" He charged at me.  
  
"Yeah, who cares?! You're going to die here and now! Fujinomai!"  
  
"Kaze no Kizu!"  
  
I watched as his attack met mine. I noticed a yellow light emit from my tornadoes and gasped realizing what it was.  
  
"What!? He cut my tornadoes?" I felt the heat of the attack burning my face already as it did my body the first time we met. For once in the few times I could feel my heart back in Naraku's castle beating like wildfire.  
  
'I can't dodge it! I'm going to die!'  
  
A sudden horde of the demons leapt in front of me blocking the attack. I felt more fear come as the demons blood spurted out all around me. More came to my aid. All that remained was the skeleton of an oni and a few body parts unwilling to leave this world. As quickly as I could, I pulled the feather from my bonnet and fled.   
  
As soon as I returned to the castle I wondered if Naraku knew I left. Did he know I was going to keep the shards? Did he know I tried to kill the wolf and hanyou he despises so much. I spotted Kanna and called out her name. She turned to me then turned again leaving. I followed her down a case of stairs into a basement of sorts. Wait-where'd she go?  
  
I say a trap door and cautiously opened it. It was dark and gloomy-but I could see nothing. I heard something and the next thing I knew something was wrapped around my neck and pulling me down. I took a moment to recover from the shock.  
  
"Kagura," my head shot up at my name. "Was it fun outside?"  
  
Shit. I looked up and gasped. The sight-there was-no-no words to describe it! Horrid wasn't good enough. Neither was gruesome nor hideous. It was more-Daunting. Petrifying. Terrifying. Harrowing. Parts of demons of all kinds. Rough, scaly, slimy, covered in mucus. If I hadn't sanity I would have thrown up right them and there. Eyes spawned from the flesh making me feel more and more like a stone. Mouth surrounded his body letting out grunts, groans, and noises I didn't even want to know. Pulsating flesh disgusted me beyond reason. Then it hit me. He was a hanyou! Like Inuyasha! That was why the barrier was weakened. That was why Kanna didn't know where he was. That was why I was able to escape.  
  
"Kagura," I jumped at my name, "you went out of the Palace when I was sleeping."  
  
I was in such shock I didn't notice the-whatever they were grab me until I was up in front of his face. I almost gagged at the intoxicating smell. I was forced to look him in the eye.  
  
"Kagura, you want me to take you into my body?"  
  
"Wh-wait...!" was all I could muster. "I won't do it again!" I whispered out turning my head from his, slowly craning it down.  
  
"There will be no second chance," he said coldly.  
  
I can't fight him alone. I remembered knowing Inuyasha's human form.  
  
Inuyasha, I won't kill you till the end.  
  
What I saw next surprised me. His brother. Sesshomaru. I remembered what he said.  
  
"If you want your freedom, you should use those shards to fight against him by yourself."  
  
I couldn't. Not alone. Never-I vow now. Never, will I betray Naraku again. 


	2. Thoughts of Captivity

A/N: In the last chapter, I accidentally said 'full moon' not 'new moon'. Gomen, gomen!  
  
Going Under  
  
Thoughts of Captivity  
  
I didn't dare make a noise. I glanced at the chains that held me. Blue flames surrounded them ensuring my escape inevitable. There was no escape. But-this was better than death, right?  
  
I was almost regretful that I went to Sesshomaru for help. Almost. At least he didn't try to kill me. He was sensible. Humble-most of the time. Calm-around that ningen child. He'd given me the courage to stand up to Kouga and Naraku in the first place. But-I wish I hadn't. Now I'm stuck down here for hell knows how long. Stuck in darkness. Stuck in silence. Stuck in solitude.  
  
At least...it's quiet. I can think without being interrupted. I can be calm for a few moments.  
  
Was it worth it all? What sound I do of Inuyasha's secret? Should I tell Naraku when he becomes human?  
  
No. It would be useless. Naraku is human on the same night. They wouldn't do anything but be able to throw insults to each other.  
  
And what of Kouga? I guess I beat him up pretty good. And that time-that time is was...me. When I killed his comrades before, Naraku was controlling me. That time, I had control. If he wished to kill me-he deserved it. I can't believe I'm thinking this. I must be going insane! Never-never!-Have I thought of Kouga that way. Neither have I Sesshomaru.  
  
My wrists are sore from being held so still. Now what was I saying just a minute ago? Oh, that's right-At least it's quiet? I can think without being interrupted? I can be calm for a few moments? Scratch that. All of it.  
  
Quiet? Solitude? I'm just now realizing how social I use to be. Usually with Kanna. She occasionally talked back.  
  
Thinking? Heh, I usually think most during a battle. Looks like I won't be needing that awhile.  
  
Calm? I'm calm, but inside I'm dying. Why? Why must this happen to me? I was taken from the wind, where I belonged. Naraku-he did this to me. He's turned me bitter. Where I was calm I am now harsh. Where I was gentle I am now fierce. Where I was...once beautiful am now ugly. An ugly detachment who will serve only one purpose, his purpose. And Naraku's idiotic purpose is to cause havoc for the hanyou and his friends. To make their life a living hell. I think it is enough. Especially that young girl. Kagome? Was that her name? It is lovely-compared to mine. Now-when my name is spoken its purpose is for death. No longer am I called forth for gentle winds-but death! Why? Why? Why?! WHY?!  
  
It wasn't fair. To be forced from your home that you've lived in since the beginning of time-and to brought into the real world. Kanna has nothing to fear-for she is that-nothing.  
  
I was manipulated. Used. I battled and killed against my will. After a few weeks I got used to it-and submitted my wishes to return home to the depths of hell. My only memory for a short time consisted of knowing Naraku was my master. Then I had to battle Inuyasha. After awhile I remembered I was the wind. I wanted freedom!  
  
I looked around again. It was boring here. But-what should I do the next time I get to be free? Should I stay inside the castle, or try and run away again? I just don't know. 


	3. Even the Odds

Going Under  
  
Even the Odds  
  
It was a new moon. I had a choice. Either run or stay. I'd been released from my prison a few days after being captivated. But I couldn't stand this place. I've made a new choice. To run or die. Both suit me. If I run I'll be free and if I die I'll be free. Even if I go to hell, I'll be free from Naraku.  
  
I stood making my way around the castle. I could hear the floorboards beneath my feet shifting due to Naraku retransformations. I walked down the normal path and opened the door. I put my hands into my sleeves walking down confronting him. He weakly-heh, weak-lifted his head and glared at me.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I pulled out my fan letting out a faint laugh.  
  
"Are you betraying me?"  
  
I glared at him spreading my fan. I could tell the only thing showing were my eyes. I swung my fan creating wind blades. They hit Naraku and blood went everywhere. Yet he just sat there. I almost laughed thinking I was winning. That is, until I felt it. I felt a part of him stab through my back. I gasped for air and backed up. It pulled out and I gasped for air. I knew it was now or never.  
  
"Did you truly think you can hurt me? Even in my human form, I am far more powerful than you can become."  
  
I reached into my hair pulling it down by accident as I reached for my feather. My hair reached a little ways past my shoulders down. I flung the feather into the air and it formed into the larger feather I carried myself. As if instinct knew, it came to me letting me fall forward onto it. It flew off into the corridors carrying me out.  
  
How was it able to react from my thoughts? I knew I was too pained to move. I didn't know where it was taking me and didn't really care. As I neared the exit the feather swerved in another direction and my side collided painfully with a kind of dresser. I felt something hit me and noticed a pot with a lid tied to it.  
  
"Kokoro!" I wheezed out grasping it as the feather finally flew out. I was free! I don't know how-but I was free! I could feel the top slide off and the disgusting contents of the pot poor onto-no, into me. It was like being reunited with a twin. I felt my warm heart beat steadily in me.  
  
One more obstacle. The barrier. I grabbed the soft edges of the feather as it flew into it. I felt Naraku's anger rise into the barrier. But I watched as the horde of demons escaping. Instinctively the feather followed them out.  
  
Now if only I...could...survive the...injury. I leaned over so I was facing the sky. It was then I noticed something. I could feel my heart, but not hear it. It may sound strange. I grabbed the pot reaching inside. I felt something and pulled it out. It was a red glass bead and I knew what it was. And I knew how to be truly free.  
  
"T-to Se-Sesshomaru," I whimpered out almost like a dog and was ashamed. The feather flew off towards him, I guess. I didn't know where he was.  
  
After a few minutes I felt the feather tilt. I clung to it like a life line, but my grip was something immeasurably weak. I shrieked as I plummeted to the ground. I felt slightly relieved when something caught me but made my blood run cold when I did.  
  
"Shit," we said in unison. I felt a hard thump as Kouga dropped me flat onto the ground. I was still cradling my heart and pot in my arms.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?! Looking for a death sentence?"  
  
I noticed his gaze on my wounds as I tried to talk back.  
  
"I-I-I'm sorry. I w-was l-looking f-for S-Se-Sesshomaru and I g-guess I f-fell."  
  
I winced in pain as he stared at me. I didn't care. If I died, I would still be free.  
  
"What is that?" he signaled to the ball in my hands.  
  
"My heart," I whispered weakly. I heard him gasp slightly. "It's how Naraku controlled me."  
  
"Controlled? As in he doesn't now?"  
  
I nodded my head slowly. "I escaped...and lived, but it seems fate won't be so kind."  
  
I nearly screamed when he knelt down pulling me up into his arms. Not only did it not feel right, he was supposed to be my worst enemy.  
  
"Tonight is when Naraku is weak, right? That's how it was last time. If Naraku had your heart, he was manipulating you to do his bidding. When you fought me a month before, you had your own will. You fought me for possession of the shards so you could be free."  
  
I was amazed by his line of thinking; he filled in all the spots perfectly. I simply nodded my head. I looked over my shoulder and saw a cave approaching. A few wolves were outside guarding. Gods, had I depleted them that much? I saw two more human ones like Kouga sitting lazily probably not even standing guard.  
  
"Where are the women?" my mind spoke out for me. Kouga glanced at me making me feel uncomfortable.  
  
"Dead."  
  
I ducked my head feeling sorry for once. He set me down and began to peel my blood incrusted outer kimono off. I actually had three layers on. First my white and red one. Then the blue, then green. He pulled the first two off and handed them to one of the wolves barking something in his language I didn't understand. He turned me over pulling the kimono down making my back bare. I shuddered at the cold air. I normally wouldn't be so willing but somehow I trusted him.  
  
"What are you-" I gasped so hard it hurt when I felt something warm brush past the hole in my back. I felt my hair on my arms rise as a chill went down my spine. "Wh-what are you d-doing?"  
  
I attempted to get up but he moved over me. He gently-gently? Well it didn't hurt when he held my arms down. He was standing over my back and I felt something constantly warm soothing the pain in my wound. After a few minutes he stopped.  
  
"Cleaning it." WHAT?!  
  
"You'd die for sure if you didn't treat it. It's natural for demons of canine race to lick their wounds. As disgusting as it sounds, it works. I've seen wolves in life and death situations. All it takes was a little cleaning of the injury and it would keep it uninfected and even starts to heal a little."  
  
I let out a squeak as he continued. It felt...strange. But comforting. Maybe I was safe for the moment. I almost whined when he stopped. I felt exhausted needing sleep.  
  
"Here," I felt something thrown onto me. I slowly turned over pulling the fur blanket close to cover my exposed skin. His glare was still menacing, but it had a forgiving look to it. "Get some sleep."  
  
Just before he walked out of the cave I stopped him. "Ma-matte!"  
  
He turned around with the calmest look I'd ever seen in anyone excluding Sesshomaru. "Nonda?"  
  
I turned my head to the side trying to think of something to ask. Finally I found one. Turning my head back I asked, "Why did you save me? Why not kill me? I've caused enough pain to you and your kin."  
  
He glared at me. Gone was his calm self. With speed I'd never seen-not even Sesshomaru-I felt a hand wrapped tightly around my neck.  
  
"Do you WANT me to kill you?! Most people wouldn't question my oracle!"  
  
I grabbed his hand trying to get air.  
  
Almost at once his hand let go and took hold of my cheek instead. I shivered but did my best to look at him eye-to-eye.  
  
"You said you were controlled by Naraku. That means you did not commit the death of my kin. The only thing you are guilty for is bad judgment in attacking me last month."  
  
I gasped as his hand hit the side of my neck. It seemed like all the feeling left me at once. I fell to the ground as black quickly faded in. I closed my eyes letting it consume me.  
  
"Now, now Kagura, we are even."  
  
My eyes slid shut into a painful depth. I could hear the two wolves from before yelling to Kouga about something. He screamed back. I couldn't make it out. Too...tired. 


	4. Laughable Moments

Going Under  
  
Laughable Moments  
  
The only thing I remember was shooting up from my spot screaming at the top of my lungs until I couldn't. I felt tears cascade down my face unfashionably. After a good five minutes of it I realized it was only a dream.  
  
A dream? That's the first one I'd had in a long time. Since...Naraku took control of me. I placed my hand over where I could feel my heart thumping uncontrollably. I still couldn't hear it though. I was not complete.  
  
"Are you finished?" I jumped at the voice letting out a faint scream. I looked over and saw Kouga leaning against the cave in the moonlight. He had a look of boredom on his face.  
  
"What are you still doing here?" I snarled out at him bitterly. Bitterly...I still feel like a detachment.  
  
"Good question," he mumbled looking up. I watched him turn and head into the woods. I felt an urge to run after him. I didn't want to be alone, not now!  
  
I stood but quickly sprung back into the pile of furs realizing I was missing my kimono. I looked around and saw it cleanly lain among the floor as if it were drying. I reached for them and quickly slipped them on. I folded them over me tying the thin yellow obi tightly to hold them on. I saw my other items there as well. I grabbed my fan, surprised he'd even bothered to retrieve it, and slipped it into my kimono sleeve into the hidden patch of clothing providing a pocket. I ran my fingers through my hair smoothing it out and grabbed the pin pulling it up into a loose bun with the tail standing out. I grabbed my spare feather slipping it in as always. I saw the pot standing at the entrance of the cave. I clutched my heart in my hand tightly feeling its comfort as I walked out of the cave. I was now free from Naraku, but I was still without my full heart. It was time to seek him out.  
  
I continued walking through the forest and closed my eyes enjoying the gentle breezes. I felt so lonely. I was never lonely with-NO! I won't think about him! That monster...I'll get him one day. But now, I'm going to relax and take this stress off.  
  
I felt like someone was following me. I kept my glance turning from side to side keeping myself on guard. I continued for about an hour until I couldn't stand it. I pulled out my fan spreading it slowly. I spun around swinging it over me creating the wind blades which traveled at an incredible speed that I'd never seen before. I saw a blur of brown before the trees collapsed down.  
  
"Kagura," I froze when that, that horrid voice called my name. My body hurt with fear as I set a straight face and turned around to the usual baboon suited man.  
  
"Naraku," I greeted back trying not to show my fear.  
  
"Why did you run?"  
  
"I wanted freedom."  
  
"Why did you attack me?"  
  
"Trying to kill you, I see my plan didn't exactly work."  
  
What scared me shitless was the fact that he was laughing. That sound that was deadly confident.  
  
"I see you are not one and one," he teased me. I clenched my teeth as I held the jewel in my hand tighter.  
  
"You shall not take it back!" I screamed suddenly. He advanced forward and I felt frozen in my steps. Was he going to take me back? Was he going to kill me? Or...absorb me?  
  
It seemed so sudden, he was right in front of me, only a few inches away. My eyes were wide with fear by now and I could feel the thumping in my chest. I felt his hand on mine and pulled back. He outstretched his hand as if I was supposed to put my heart there.  
  
"N-no!" I shrieked swinging my fan. A purple barrier blocked them. Damn that barrier. He'd be nothing without it.  
  
Oh damn. I covered my mouth and nose protectively as his miasma poured from his body. How was it possible to not breathe it? I felt myself sink to my knees with my head following. I fell to my side feeling like I was already dead. I waited for the final blow of death.  
  
"Naraku!" came a husky voice jumping through the miasma knocking him off his guard. I heard that laugh before he retreated. I felt myself being picked up. I couldn't breathe and it hurt to try. I felt my body moving up and down obvious that someone was carrying me and running. I felt the arms tighten and pull me closer to their chest to keep me from moving. It felt like wind was whipping all around me. I opened my eyes to see but only saw blurs of grey, black, and brown. I thought I saw a hint of blue but black invaded my vision. The poison was getting deeper. I couldn't move and now I couldn't see.  
  
I heard the voice now soft talking to me, but couldn't make it out. The only thing I could think about was the pain. I felt something stuck into my mouth. In an instant I couldn't stand the horrible taste. It was obviously a medicinal herb but I couldn't stand it. Without trying I spit it out. I felt a hand pry my mouth open sticking the plant in again. The hand clamped over my jaw keeping it shut. I shut my eyes tightly as chills went through me. I felt like I could through up any minute.  
  
"Kagura," after a minute I made out my name. My eyes snapped open.  
  
"K-Kouga?" I blinked my eyes as my vision began to return. At the voice, I was right. He was kneeling against a tree holding me upright. There was a strange smell to a bush next to us and I guessed it was the medicine.  
  
"Yes?" he answered me. I hadn't realized I'd called him like I was asking. I felt a blush come. A blush? That's new...  
  
"Kagura," he shook me gently. I looked up trying to hide my brightened face. "Huh?"  
  
"Is everything all right?" he let go of me allowing me to stand as well as he.  
  
"Why do you ask?" I asked in a still slightly cold tone. He gaze switched from worried to angry.  
  
"Because you were in a battle, yet you weren't fighting."  
  
I glared at him. I spun on my heel to leave. He grabbed my arm and I spun around spreading my fan over my face as a threat. Slowly, his grip reseeded and he released me. My breathe was ragged and quick.  
  
"Why do you care? My life is none of your concern, wolf."  
  
I saw him literally shaking with anger. Not hatred, but anger. I could see the fire of his wildness in his eyes. He was holding something back, which is usually hard for a youkai of his breed. His fists were clenched tightly almost bringing blood. His face was straight forward and the only thing moving seemed to be the occasional flick of his tail and his chest from breathing.  
  
I snapped my fan shut and turned to him crossing my arms. "I think I should be the one asking the question, ookami. You look more anxious than I was to escape." I saw his eyes widen for a fraction of a second in pure surprise. "I swear, you're acting like a pup!" His reaction was pleasurable.  
  
His mouth dropped open quickly changing to clenched teeth. His eyes went wide and a deep growl emitted from his chest. I knew about the growls. I'd heard enough from my 'former' friends. When a growl was emitted from the throat it sounded similar to a purr, and resembled affectionate words in any kind of dog's language. The deeper it was, the more lovable.  
  
But from the chest was a threat growl. Judging from how low and deep his was, I'd say his showed more anger than threat. The volume of it boomed in my ears making them feel clogged up.  
  
I spread my fan again and turned but kept my head toward him. I pulled the feather from bonnet again. "Ja ne, koinu."  
  
"Bitch!" I heard him shriek out and I almost laughed. Right as I started to throw up the feather I was rammed to the ground. I landed on my back and felt something press hard against me restraining my movements. I looked up and squirmed to get free from his death grip.  
  
"You dare insult me, and think you can get away with it?!" he snarled out at me. I could feel his growl from his chest. Geez! This guy was so sensitive! He actually was a puppy!  
  
"Well you act like one! Mr. All High and Mighty, oh look at me! I get my way with no one to argue against it!" I actually did laugh at the expression on his confused face.  
  
"What? No one's ever stood up to you before? Can't handle it-too hard for a pup?"  
  
He pulled me up slamming me against a tree. I tried to catch my breathe but it was knocked from my grasp.  
  
"Shut the fuck up!"  
  
No, I wasn't about to back down, and I was laughing insanely inside.  
  
"See?" I wheezed out finally retrieving what was lost. "When you don't get your way...you get angry-dominative."  
  
His growl increased. Gods, he was worse than Sesshomaru. I insult him, he throws an insult back suavely. Kouga, he acts like a pup. He suddenly released me kicking my leg and was off with the whirlwind around him. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I doubled-over laughing till I cried and was out of air. 


	5. One and One

Going Under  
  
One and One  
  
I sighed while walking down the trail. Truth to be told, those birds were getting on my nerves. The constant twittering echoed in my ears. I mean, it was an enjoyable song but after awhile you wanted to hear something else, you know? I focused my senses and picked up the sounds of laughter. I felt a smile creep up on my face. I heard the ramblings of another about how they sound leave the girl behind. I pushed the smile off but kept a smirk.  
  
I crept closer and spotted him. Sesshomaru. He could help me.  
  
He seemed to sense my presence as he turned around and commanded the girl behind him. When she saw me she shrieked and quickly grabbed hold of his pant leg. I smiled letting a small laugh out.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I looked up to him. His glance switched down to my hand which clutched the red jewel tightly.  
  
"What is that?" he asked in his as-always calm tone. I rose my hand holding it out.  
  
"I need a favor, but I'm afraid I have nothing to offer in return." I bit my lip holding my breathe in my throat. He took another glance at it.  
  
"It is my heart, which Naraku used to manipulate me."  
  
His head lifted but I could sense his surprise. "You're free?" I nodded my head letting the smirk come back.  
  
"Demo, I'm not one. My heart is here but I cannot hear it. I'm incomplete. I need you to use Tenseiga to pull it back to me."  
  
He glanced at me a moment before turning around. I could tell he was debating on it.  
  
"Jaken, take Rin to play," I heard the toad curse at Sesshomaru under his breathe and saw him glaring. Once they were gone Sesshomaru turned back to me. He held out his hand and I placed the ball into it. He brought it close to his face fumbling with it between his fingers.  
  
"Why would you be so trustful?" he asked softly. Before I could answer I saw his hand clench around the ball. I felt my pale skin go white as I gasped and fell to my knees. I felt like I couldn't think, all I knew was pain. I let out a shrill scream before he threw it into the air and caught it mercilessly with gentleness.  
  
"Bastard..." I panted out trying to stand.  
  
"Answer my question."  
  
I tried to sit up again but fell down as he clutched the ball tighter.  
  
"Why did you put so much trust into me by giving me your heart? I could order you do to anything I pleased."  
  
This couldn't be Sesshomaru; he doesn't get people to do his bidding! "Answer me!"  
  
"I-I knew you had Tenseiga!" I finally screamed out. "All I ever wanted was to be free! You know that! You're the only one who knows that! I've only told you, I want to be free! Please!"  
  
I didn't see his throw the ball back up and draw his sword. All I saw was a flash of blue light and a feeling deep inside. I began to hear a thumping noise in my ears as my blood raced. It slowed and I set my hand against my chest.  
  
"You lie."  
  
"What?" I sat up slowly looking at him. He knelt down in front of me. "I can smell wolf all over you."  
  
I felt a sudden blush creep but pulled it away before he noticed. "That bag of shit? Heh, he was trying to kill me. It was more like a struggle."  
  
I felt angry when he smirked. I wasn't sure, it looked cocky, but it could be a smile. I don't really know how to tell the difference. I never felt anything for anyone except hatred and pity.  
  
I found myself glaring at him. I don't know how I started it, but we just ended up in a stare down. He was staring at my scarlet eyes, and I at his amber ones. It amazed me at how enticing they could be. I felt the thumping come back in my chest like when Kouga held me. What exactly was this? I knew blushes came from embarrassment, but was there more? I feel so naive...  
  
I suddenly felt lost and all I could see was the beautiful amber hue. I took in a sharp breathe when I felt a hand gently take my arm pulling me forward. I realized I was leaning against his chest, and the thumping in my chest grew more.  
  
"Se-Se..." I couldn't speak. It felt like a large lump had taken place in my throat. What in the seven hells was going on?  
  
Just as quickly as I was pulled into the embrace he released me, stood, and started to walk away.  
  
"Don't give up."  
  
That was all he said. 


	6. One Who Cares

Going Under  
  
One Who Cares  
  
I still felt dazed. I could barely walk and I still felt my heart beating at a quick rate. What had he done to me to make me feel this way? When Kouga held me to cure my illness, I felt strange. When Sesshomaru embraced me, I felt the same sensation. What did it all mean?  
  
I felt a wave of loneliness sweep over me. I remembered the encounter with Naraku and felt a shudder come up my spine quickly making the autumn air cold as winter. A chilly breeze blew filling in the effect. I wondered how Inu Yasha's group would react to my new freedom. Would they continue to hate me? Would they forgive me, like Kouga did?  
  
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't notice the pair of bright green eyes following my movements. I did however, here the sound of feet quickly scampering away. That little brat kitsune was going to rat me out.  
  
I felt scared. Should I show my fear? In front of Kouga he was gentle because he saw I was scared. But when I teased him he was rough.  
  
I braced myself for an impact and sure enough I was soon shoved to the ground with a sword at my throat. I pushed back avoiding getting cut. I stumbled back tripping onto my rump and messily pulling out my fan. As I raised it I felt the sword's sharp tip at my throat. I froze.  
  
"Don't. Move." Inu Yasha spoke coldly. I lifted my chin feeling my heart beating so fast it hurt. My ears were throbbing with blood racing in them and my hands were trembling. He looked confused for a minute. He leaned forward but kept his sword parallel with my throat so I couldn't move.  
  
"You don't...smell like Naraku."  
  
I swallowed nodding my head. I moved my free hand up placing it on my heart.  
  
"I-I'm free now."  
  
He cocked a brow and slowly pulled his sword away from me. Kagome walked out and let out a shriek of my name. My name...it was hideous. My name was only trouble. The monk and taijiya stepped out with a trembling kitsune on the monk's shoulder. They all stared at me for a moment. The kit leaned forward taking in my scent.  
  
"Sh-she's different!" he shrieked out. They slowly advanced towards me.  
  
"If you have something to say spit it out," I said obviously in an annoyed tone while crossing my arms.  
  
"How?" the hanyou asked quietly. I looked to the ground.  
  
"On the new moon. I...I attacked Naraku. I got hurt but I got away. I got away with my heart and now he no longer has control over me. I don't have to kill against my will."  
  
I lifted my head and saw them giving me pitied looks. At least they weren't going to kill me. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. I saw Kagome walk up pulling Inu Yasha away slightly. She glanced at me before finally offering to help me up. I kept my head low in respect as I stood.  
  
"So...you're free?" It seemed like everyone was asking me that over and over. I simply nodded my head.   
  
"Keh," I heard Inu Yasha's usual insult, "I won't kill you because Kagome's doesn't want to." He glared at me and I glared back before turning. I walked slow, still tired from travels and battles. I could still hear them talking.  
  
"Kagome! What the hell were you thinking?!"  
  
"I was helping her!"  
  
"She's the enemy!"  
  
"But-but she's free now!"  
  
"And you trust her?!"  
  
"She didn't attempt to kill us did she?! NO! You just pummeled her to the ground without warning! Osuwari!!!"  
  
I heard him sink into the ground with a clapping noise. He cursed into the dirt spitting it out.  
  
"You jerk! I want to give Kagura a chance!"  
  
I heard Inu Yasha growl at Kagome. "Bitch! That wicked witch will never get anything! No chance, no destiny, no love-with an ugly name like that I'm surprised how Naraku even-"  
  
"SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
I felt a knife cut through my heart. The commands for the rosary around his neck didn't soothe my pain either. I held my head low and continued along the trail.  
  
He's right. I don't know why I didn't just let myself die in the first place. I am ugly. I'll never find my true destiny. I had no chance in life. I didn't really understand love. For once again I say, I've only felt bitterness and hatred before.  
  
I felt the wind pick up around me but kept walking. About two or so hours passed. I felt an immense wind start in front of me. I didn't try to stop it as it suddenly stopped.  
  
"Kagura," I glanced up at Kouga but kept my gaze down as I passed him. He caught my wrist but I yanked it away.  
  
"Leave me alone," I hissed stomping away. He easily leapt landing in front of me. He grabbed my face with his hands forcing my face to look at him.  
  
"What's wrong?" I looked at him. His face wore concern all around it. I felt my eyes tremble as my vision started to blur. Damn, no, I couldn't be crying, not now! Of all times I-  
  
"Shh," he moved a thumb over my cheek rubbing off a tear. I felt a sensation go through me as I quickly pushed my head to his chest letting the unshed tears fall freely. I soon ran out of breathe and inhaled sharply for another supply.  
  
"Shh," he soothed again wrapping his arms around my shoulders and back rubbing gently with one hand while holding me with the other. I moved my arms around his waist for support as my knees shook threatening to give way. He slowly knelt down making it much easier to stand. The ache in my heart slowly left. I never knew a heart could ever feel so different at times.  
  
As I started to quiet he raised a hand to my head gently stroking the loose hairs.  
  
"Now what's wrong?"  
  
I looked up to him but turned my head away. He grabbed my chin but didn't pull my head up.  
  
"I-I..." I found myself speechless once again like when they had held me before. He waited patiently for my nerves to return. I inhaled slowly letting it studder out with my sobs.  
  
"I was j-just walking when I-Inu Yasha attacked. He let me l-live, but when I was leaving I-I heard him talking to K-Kagome. H-He mentioned how I had no life and n-no chances in this world. How ugly I was and my name. How I would never find love when I'd never experienced it."  
  
I felt like I was in a confession booth. I glanced up and saw his eyes wide with shock and anger. He pulled me closer making me blush.  
  
"I can't believe Inu-koro said such things. He's so stupid, has a wonderful girl near him but is too lazy to notice her. I wanted Kagome because she could sense Shikon shards."  
  
I looked up at him again as his anger grew. "He's wrong..."  
  
I heard a deep growl emit from his chest. "That bastard...you're not ugly, you're beautiful. You're name is lovely-it suits you."  
  
I nearly burst out in tears again. He sensed this, I guess, and took my face into one of his hands. I let the tears flow down as I stared forward. His ice blue eyes shimmered over to a glossy look as I bit my lip holding back more tears.  
  
"You've never felt love?"  
  
I nodded my head pulling my hands, fists balled up, to my chest. He blinked moving closer. I felt that pounding in my ears again that came from my fast heart.  
  
"Ko-" I couldn't talk again. I felt his hands tighten on my face. I let out a loud squeak as he pulled me forward pressing his lips to mine. I pushed my hands against his chest trying to push away.   
  
I slowed my whining and struggling as his hands gently moved around my face, urging me forward. Slowly my lids slid shut with his as I moved my arms around his neck. I could feel the strong, slick neck and shoulder muscles tense at my touch. I felt a strange rumble in my throat that ended up being a quiet moan. I felt a blush heat up in my cheeks but he only seemed to be further excited by the small noise. His lips moved more frantically. I let out another small moan. His hands twitched and rested on my hips and began to rub around them as well.   
  
"Ko-" I tried to say something but every time I tried he only moved quicker.  
  
I felt his tongue swoop gently over my lower lip and I froze. I felt a tight knot form in my stomach making it hurt to no end. I shuddered feeling a sharp fang graze my skin. He leaned forward brushing his two main and largest front fangs against my cheeks nipping and licking every now and then. My hands trembled feeling like they were on fire.  
  
As quickly as he started he stopped. I felt flushed and exhausted from the experience, as well as having a beat red face. I blinked making sure this was real. My lips felt swollen and I could feel the gentle scrapes he made start to show on my cheeks. They wouldn't be there long but it made me blush none the less.  
  
"That...is what love feels like," he said between a gasp for air. I wrapped my arms around his chest setting my head against his shoulder. He stood trembling a little but seemed to quickly get over it. As my head slid to his shoulder I noticed his scent. It was full of his wild spirit along with his clean sweat smell that covered him thickly. My mind drifted off in a river of thoughts.   
  
If that was what love felt like, I think I'm going to enjoy it. 


	7. Kuruse

Going Under  
  
Kuruse  
  
I can't exactly remember what happened after my kiss with Kouga. I knew I was in Heaven right then and still am. I think he carried me to a cave or something, but I remember bickering and arguing. Then silence. There'd been silence for a while now.  
  
I felt the weight lifted off my eyes as they squinted open.  
  
"Kouga?" I whined out not able to move. A hand fell over my mouth keeping me silent. I looked over and saw his two henchmen guarding me it seemed. I moved his hand and whispered, "What's going on?"  
  
They turned to and in a hushed voice they spoke. "Another wolf tribe that travels like us was in the area and they're battling for dominance."  
  
"Dominance?"  
  
"Hai, you'll see the ritual now," the said pointing out. I looked and saw Kouga standing square on his shoulders as if he were in front of royalty. The black wolf across him was no different.  
  
I saw Kouga's tail swish gently in que with the wind. The other wolf did the same as they crouched slowly. It must've taken them at least ten minutes before they began moving. It was like a cat. One arm extended, pressure on the tips of their fingers, then a leg, all moving parallel forming a circle. They stopped in unison. I noticed a different look in Kouga's eyes. He didn't seem like before.  
  
I heard the black wolf extend his growl. Kouga did the same. His was low and deep with much, much more volume. They showed their fangs to the other making the growls louder. I heard Kouga's growl raise about fifty notches as well as the black wolf's. The black ones growl was higher. Slowly, they stood again with arms slightly extended, as if ready to leap at any moment.  
  
I saw them crouch quickly and jump toward the other opening their mouths making the growl even more ferocious. They seemed to wrestle the other in a battle for an eternity. I heard a loud yelp that sounded again when I looked up. My mouth dropped open at what I saw. Kouga was on his back, the black wolf was strandling him, Kouga's arms were pulled away, and the black wolf's mouth...wait no-fangs were securely latched onto Kouga neck. I saw blood running down from the punctures. Kouga kicked up again and the wound deepened. Was this how wolves gained leadership?  
  
Kouga squirmed under the other wolf's grasp which just caused him to bite harder. I heard Kouga let out a yelp. The high pitch made my ears hurt. I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Don't worry," one of them said, "dominance is based on stamina, not strength. Kouga has the upper hand, he's just showing off." I blushed realizing why he was doing so.  
  
"Ku...so..." I heard Kouga rasp out from the strain on his neck. In a split second he twisted his wrists pulling the grip off and grabbing the other wolf's wrists instead. He pulled his legs up and pushed himself off which seemed to take a lot of energy. Kouga landed down on the other wolf with a hard fall knocking the air out of both. Kouga was the first to recover and he quickly strained the other. I moved my head away looking away from the battle for leadership as Kouga bit down against his throat. I heard more growls and a little movement. I heard whimpering and heard footsteps walking away. I raised my head opening my eyes.  
  
"Kouga!" I heard the two next to me yell and run to him pulling him up. He brushed their arms off as he regained balance. When he turned around his face was still tense and scrunched up from snarling. His mouth twitched baring his fangs every now and then. He shook his head as he walked back to the cave. I saw the entire wolf tribe whimper and follow him in. I followed after them.  
  
Kouga plopped down against the wall panting hard rubbing a hand over his neck. One of the wholes made whimpering sounds. I remembered Kouga telling me how they would heal one another.  
  
Kouga leaned his head back wincing as the wounds on his neck stretched. He relaxed as the wolf leaned over making whining noises as he cleaned the wounds. I knew humans would think it disgusting.  
  
"Kouga, daijabu?" I asked kneeling. He cracked an eye open and glanced to me. He gently pushed the wolf away and rubbed his neck again.  
  
"Ginta." One of the wolves from before walked forward. Kouga let out a grunt closing his eyes. "Food. Take Hakkaku if you need."  
  
Ginta nodded and he and the other ran out.  
  
"Kouga-"  
  
"Don't," he urged out hurriedly. Don't what? His chest heaved up as he took in a deep breathe.  
  
"My instincts are still in. Give them a minute to calm down."  
  
He opened his eyes. I could still see the determination and ferocity from the earlier threat of his title.  
  
"Are-"  
  
"Shut up!" I jumped at his scream. His snapped his eyes closed grunting a bit.  
  
"Kagura, I'm sorry for being harsh right now but if you've ever had little voices in your head, multiply that times around fifty and that's what it feels like."  
  
My God. I wanted to help but knew I would only make it worse. I stood slowly backing up. He went back to massaging his sore neck as I walked out and into the forest. Once there I reached into my sleeve pulling out my fan. I didn't spread it, that would cause too much destruction. I searched for a few minutes until I came to a deer. I sighed and turned away. It was too beautiful-I couldn't take its life. Damn. At this rate I'll never survive.  
  
"No, NO! That way! No, Ginta! Agh!" I heard splashing nearby. I slowly walked toward the noises till I found the two soaked in the river. I extended a hand helping them out. I noticed their nervous stares but kept my 'half-eye closed' bored expression with my fan on my shoulder tapping ever so gently.  
  
"Stand back," I mumbled unable to watch any longer of their failure. They stepped back, way back. I simply tilted my wrist bringing my fan down a fraction. One of the clouds above us went dark and a tornado spurted forth. I waved my fan slightly as the whirlwind moved to land. I released the wind and turned around to the two wide mouthed wolves. I glanced back at the grass behind me. There must've been at least 50 fish pulled in from the river. They quickly gathered as many as they could and I swung my fan forcing the rest back into the water. I followed the two back.  
  
When we returned, Kouga appeared to be asleep of some sorts. I shook his shoulder earning a low growl from him. He turned his head to the side and shifted his back to the wall. I sighed and stood with a bored expression on my face. I grabbed one of the raw fishes and threw it at him. As it hit his face dead-on he jolted up. He looked around and glared at me. I smirked lowering my head just barely enough to show the mischief I felt. He growled and turned to go deeper into the cave.  
  
"Start cooking the fish," he commanded the two morons. I followed him into the deep of the cave. I felt the quiet around me. It felt like something was all around me at once. I heard his soft chuckle s he tapped my leg with his. I flushed and spun around but saw nothing.  
  
"Can't see very well, can you?"  
  
I felt a hand grasp my hind and spun around whacking at whatever was there with my fan. I heard it hit something and that thing fall back. I laughed realizing I'd hit Kouga's hand.  
  
"Pervert, who'd ever think you'd be the houshi?"  
  
I felt him circling me again. "And how do you know that? I didn't think you paid much attention to us."  
  
"I don't, but I watch. Inu Yasha is in two relationships, you are in three."  
  
"Wh-what?!" I felt a hand on my shoulder spin me around. There other hand grasped my right shoulder holding me in place. I could see the anger in his face. I smirked.  
  
"You want Kagome for the Shikon shards, you promised the white wolf you'd marry her if she came down from the mountains, and now you've got me on your hands. The houshi is in love with the taijiya, that's why he does not ask her to bear his children, he is afraid she would reject him. Inu Yasha is afraid of his feelings and thinks of them as a weakness. Naraku is still love-sick over Kikyo."  
  
"Kikyo? Who's that?"  
  
"Kagome's previous carnation."  
  
A disturbing silence fell over as his grip lessened. "Kagome's a...reincarnation?"  
  
"Hai, and Kikyo has been resurrected as a shibito."  
  
It felt like his skin went cold. He suddenly released me and started to walk out. "I have to set something straight, I'll be back before noon tomorrow." I watched him run out and followed the path back to the entrance where I found the fish cooking wonderfully. I sat down next to the two and grabbed a fish. Ginta shot me a glare followed by Hakkaku.  
  
"I don't see why Kouga saved her." I lowered my head hearing Hakkaku's comment.  
  
"Hai, and now he's in love with her," Ginta mused closing his eyes and lifting his head chewing on some fish.  
  
"Next you know we'll be having pups."  
  
That was it. I slammed my fan down to the ground; it spread out clearing blowing the fire out. I glared at them both. "Are you ASKING me to kill you?"  
  
They glared at me and continued eating. I glared all the way until a strange laughter was heard.  
  
"Oroka, did you truly think you could elude me?"  
  
Our heads shot up at the miasma came out. "Don't breathe it!" I shouted covering my mouth. Naraku came out circling us. We were helpless. I felt my knees weaken as I fell to my knees. Blackness clouded my mind. I heard screaming and clutched my fan as if I was going to attack. I heard more screaming as something fell onto my face. More came onto my fan and my legs. I couldn't recognize the smell but knew it was warm. What's was this? Damn...Kouga we need you.  
  
I felt myself thrown back as the poison receded. I heard Naraku laugh as he moved something in his hand. I gasped realizing what it was. I jumped up outstretching an arm.  
  
"No!" He clutched the ball and I fell to my knees. He had my heart, once again. But how?  
  
"Kouga kuruse."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Kouga kuruse."  
  
"NO!!!!"  
  
He clutched the bright red ball. I gasped for air getting none. He released his grasp.  
  
"Kouga kuruse."  
  
I felt my heart ache. "H-hai, master Naraku." 


	8. Betrayal of the Heart

Going Under  
  
Betrayal of the Heart  
  
I lay still against the cold floor of the cave. My mind was still a blur. The only thing that I seemed to hear was Naraku's command to kill Kouga. No. NO! I-I can't.  
  
I felt tears threatening to fall. I'd only cried with Kouga there. That was the only time I'd cried. He'd allowed me to be weak for the moment. But now...  
  
My hands are soaked with blood as are my garments. Naraku has left me here to take the blame for the rest of his comrades' deaths. Ginta, Hakkaku, all the other wolves...it's all my fault...it's all my fault. IT'S ALL MY FAULT!  
  
I don't know how long I lied there. There were Saimyoushou watching my every move. I don't know how, but Naraku once again held my heart. If I dared disobey him I would be killed. For once, I lifted my head to glance outside. The sun was rising. I lowed my head back down into the puddle of wolf blood letting the shame and guilt soak into me.   
  
I heard fast wind approaching. He was back earlier than he said. I felt no emotion except for the feeling of death. My heart was gone. I could no longer feel what I had for the past few days.  
  
"Kagura, I smelled wolf blood and-" his breathe caught in his throat as he glanced around.  
  
"Kagura," he chocked on my name. I heard his breathing turn slow and raspy as he took the sight before him.  
  
"Get away!" I shrieked at him. He glanced at me with fear all in his eyes. I lifted my blood stained face. He gasped seeing my fan in my hand. I felt the tears pour down my face.  
  
"Just get away! I can't feel it any more! I'm sorry!"  
  
I gasped feeling a pain in my chest. I felt my skin run cold like ice and I fell forward.  
  
"Naraku?" he asked out. What was going on? He didn't sound angry. Last time his friends were killed he nearly killed Inu Yasha. I quickly stood making the pain leave. I swung my fan, my tears going everywhere. Kouga easily dodged it.  
  
"Kagura!" I felt the anger swelling up in him. The only thing written on my face was malice. I couldn't wipe it away. Naraku's hold was stronger somehow. I felt my hand shake as it slowly rose.  
  
"Fujinomai!" I yelled for the attack. I wanted to just die now like I'd wanted to. I wouldn't be about to kill Kouga. It was going to be one of us. If he stayed, he would die. If he left, I would die. Somehow, this seemed like the incident when we tried to curse kill Kagome.  
  
Kouga dodged my attacks, one after the other. I heard him start panting heavily. He stopped, pinned against the wall. My hand, poised for attack. His chest heaved rapidly, faster than I'd ever seen. He was obviously far past out of breathe. My hand started to shake again. He noticed that and leapt forward. My hand swung of its own accord. He crossed his arms over his face as the attacks went through him. I felt horrible as his cried sounded in the caves. This time, his pain wasn't my pleasure.  
  
"Kouga kuruse," I heard a voice say entering the cave. My hand shook, unable to move again. Kouga fell to his side glancing at Naraku. As he heard the phrase he looked back at me. The look of hurt and betrayal was all in his eyes.  
  
"Kuruse."  
  
I shook my head dropping the fan. "No!" I shouted as I grasped my head. Kouga stared wide eyed at me. Naraku reached into his purple hakama and pulled out the glass bead I knew well as my heart. As he grasped it I screamed clutching where my heart should be. I fell to my knees with my head slightly to the side. I felt my blood run cold again as I was sure I was paler than snow. Kouga looked like he'd seen one.  
  
"Naraku..." he snarled out. Naraku laughed as I reached for my fan. No way in hell could I hurt Kouga. I stood and turned to Naraku.  
  
"Kuruse," he repeated. I nodded my head.  
  
"Kagura...no..." I heard Kouga rasp out as he stood on his knees. I turned to Naraku raising my fan.  
  
"Sionara," I swung it at him. His eyes widened in shock at my attack hit him. He clutched the wound it left and squeezed the jewel. I felt something snap as I screamed a shrill tone making even my ears ring. He dropped the jewel that was now...now broken in two. He turned and was gone.  
  
"Kagura!" Kouga yelled. I could barely hear him as I fell back. He caught me easily. When I fell into his arms it felt like I'd fallen off a cliff and landed onto a rock. I screamed out, only making it worse. He lowered me to the ground and quickly did the best he could to rid me of any injuries which were only cuts. He washed the blood off of me and soaked spots in my kimono ridding it of the blood.   
  
I winced feeling a breeze blow past the two large fragments of my heart.  
  
"Kouga-"  
  
"Shh, don't move." His voice was calm and weak.   
  
"I-I'm sorry," I turned my head to the side. He quickly pulled it back up; I think he was making sure I was alive. My voice was so soft whenever I closed my eyes it appeared I was falling into eternal slumber.  
  
He leaned forward kissing my fore head. I felt extreme comfort and forgiveness sweep over me like water in a parched desert. "It's all right, we'll figure something out." I could hear the sadness in his voice. His words were shaky. He occasionally stopped in his sentences taking in a large breathe or to make his tone go from the light high to normal. I knew he was fighting tears.  
  
"We'll find something..." that was it. His voice cracked. I reached up setting my hand over his. He looked at me. I could see the tears brimming on the edges of his eyes.  
  
"It's okay," I whispered reaching up to his face wiping one of the oncoming tears away. I sat up slowly. I wasn't surprised when he grabbed my hand throwing it away.  
  
"No! It's not okay! Naraku killed the last of my tribe! I'm the last wolf of the Western Yoroujok wolf tribe!" Somehow, I could feel what he felt. His heart was shattered, his soul, lost. He didn't have the will to fight any longer. Any demon would normally kill themself. I sensed he was debating on doing that. I quickly reached out to him. I gently set a hand behind his head pulling it to my chest. He looked at me surprised, a faint blush on his cheeks. I wrapped my other arm around him.  
  
"It's okay to cry-it's okay to be weak...sometimes we're like that. I was. I never cried once until you told me it was okay to. I could be scared my life would end and I wouldn't cry."  
  
In an instant I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he sank his face into my chest like a child would a mother. I heard his gasps for air and felt the wetness and knew he was crying.  
  
"I-I should have been there!" I heard him scream, "I should have! It's my fault! If I'd only-only been there!"  
  
I felt tears coming to my eyes. Before, I'd blamed myself, and he said it wasn't my fault. But now he feels as though it's his fault. I heard someone approaching. I lifted my head even though I couldn't see out of the cave since my back was to the entrance.  
  
"It's not your fault," I whispered, barely making it audible. I heard the person walk up behind me.  
  
"What happened?" I heard Kagome's voice. I looked over to them turning myself around. I saw Inu Yasha's face spill his surprise at the sight of Kouga. Kouga was showing his weakness. I stroked the soft hair making up his pony tail as I lowered my head.  
  
"Naraku," I whispered.  
  
"Nani? What's this?" I looked over to the taijiya to see her tap her foot against a broken piece of the red stone. My hands released Kouga as a shrill scream came from me. Everyone turned to look at me. I felt myself fall backwards. Kouga lifted his head quickly catching my head.  
  
"Kagura!" he called out as his tear stricken face glanced me over. I knew I'd gone ghostly pale and cold again. His head turned to the taijiya. He set me down and stood with a face I can't describe.  
  
"Bitch!" I heard him yell as he rose a fist and ran at her. I tried to tell him to stop but my throat wouldn't work. I saw Kagome dash between them.  
  
"Kouga-kun, no!"  
  
It was too late. Even with his speed, he couldn't stop his fist. I heard Kagome's cry as his fist hit her cheek driving her back. I could already see the blood from the corner of her mouth.  
  
"Kagome-chan!" the taijiya yelled catching her. Kagome looked up to Kouga. His face was pouring rivers of tears by now. He fell to his knees and caught himself on his hands. He clenched his hands into fists.  
  
"Damn it all!" I shut my eyes as he rammed his head to the floor in a fit of fury. I opened them slowly and saw he was still okay. He raised a fist pounding it into the ground. His whole body was trembling with fear.  
  
"Damn it all! Damn it all! Damn it all to hell!" He continued repeated the phrases like a spell off of a mantra.  
  
I saw Kagome look at me, then the broken jewel on the ground. She looked around at the bloody pools and dead carcasses. I could tell she was putting all the pieces together like a puzzle. She made the taijiya release her and knelt to Kouga. I could see anger welled up in Inu Yasha's eyes.  
  
"Kouga-kun, I think I know someone who can help." 


	9. Which One?

Going Under  
  
Which One?  
  
I clutched the small pouch in my hand. Kagome had fused a Shikon shard within my heart. It helped-it would keep me alive for now.  
  
I felt Kouga shift suddenly and heard myself cry out in pain.  
  
"You alright?" I heard his voice. I never noticed how deep it could be at times. He seemed to worry it-made me feel guilty. I opened my eyes nodding my head against his shoulder as I glanced around.  
  
"I still don't see why we can't just kill her, she's caused enough trouble," I heard Inuyasha growl out. I felt tears come but they left as Kouga let out a growl that made me shiver. It was more like a snarl. I glanced at Kouga's face. The side of it was still slightly swollen and red. Dried blood still edged the tip of his mouth.  
  
Inuyasha had not forgotten Kouga's mistake in hitting Kagome. It wasn't his fault-he wasn't thinking straight. His chest armor was cracked from a blow to the stomach that had him down for half an hour and his legs were limping lightly. Yet he STILL insisted on carrying me. Though I couldn't argue much, even if I was feeling better I still couldn't move. And rough abuse to my body was painful. If I was jostled it felt like I was being ripped apart.  
  
I heard them gasp out in surprise as something passed us. I felt my eyes black out and closed them hoping I wouldn't pass out. I moved my arms around Kouga neck letting out a soft whine as a pain gently throbbed in my chest. I heard talking but was to pained to understand them. I felt Kouga growling and sensed jealousy. I opened my eyes seeing a glimpse of Sesshomaru before I passed out.  
  
~*~  
  
I felt warm. I know, it sounds stupid-but something around me was unusually warm. I was about to turn over but something pulled me back.  
  
"If you roll you'll fall off." I jumped up at the voice.  
  
"Sesshomaru?" I called out trying to peer into the darkness. I saw his golden eyes and a soft glint from his silver hair. It was almost scary; his amber eyes were only intensified at night. They seemed more golden while the rest of him was dark.  
  
I felt the thing around me shift again and looked to find his tail wrapped around me. In a flash of memory I remembered my broken heart. I reached inside the pouch to find nothing.  
  
"I healed you. I do not know how Naraku took control of you a second time but I suspect it has something to do with that white demon of nihility. After I used Tenseiga, you started to grow cold. The wolf told me to keep you warm so I merely followed his wishes."  
  
His wishes? "But-I thought you didn't follow requests from anyone."  
  
"Are you not in love with him?" his voice was more fact than question. I blushed feeling my cheeks warm up. But now, I didn't know. Kouga had gone farther with me, but Sesshomaru had made me feel the same way.  
  
"I don't know," my mind spoke out. I guess Sesshomaru saw the confusion on my face because he didn't ask any further. A long silence followed.  
  
"What did you do with the shard?" I asked suddenly.  
  
"I gave it to the miko," he answered me plainly. I wasn't sure what do to next, I guess my mind was still foggy. I couldn't think straight.  
  
"And what of Kouga?"  
  
"Right here."   
  
My head spun to the side and spotted a soft brown hue in a corner. After straining my eyes I made out his figure sitting cross legged against the wall staring out the window. Great, both of them are in here. I turned my head from Sesshomaru who was sitting on the edge of the futon with one knee supporting his arm which was lain across it. I turned again to Kouga. His emotions stuck out plainly on his features. He'd spent too much time around Kagome; he was loosing control of his emotions. Sesshomaru's face was cold, emotionless, and handsome.  
  
Kouga, on the other hand-you could see his strength. His face was keen and sharp. Strong and fierce. One glance and you'd know his physical strength. But-he wasn't exactly strong. He didn't have any real demonic abilities. Sesshomaru had his light whip and poisonous claws, along with a transformation. Kouga, all he could really do was throw a punch. That, and run real fast, but he uses those shards-it's not his real speed.  
  
Kouga stood and walked to the window. He breathed in heavily and let the air out slowly through his nose. I could see the emotion flaring in his eyes. They shimmered as he quickly blinked.  
  
"Kouga?" I called out feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. "Kouga, I'm sorry."  
  
I felt Sesshomaru's gaze fall upon me. "Why are you sorry to him?" he asked coldly. I bit my lip cursing under my breathe as tears welled up.  
  
"When Naraku took control over me, he made me kill the last of Kouga's kin. He is the last western wolf demon for the moment."  
  
Sesshomaru stood and knelt in front of me. He raised his hand wiping the tear falling down my cheek. "Do you wish them to live?" I nodded letting my gaze drop to my lap. "Yes."  
  
Sesshomaru stood placing a kiss against my forehead in the process. I knew I was blushing badly. "Then I shall bring them back," he said grabbing the hilt of Tenseiga and walking out. Kouga turned around walking after him. I could here them discussing something along the way. I looked up snapping from my shock as Inuyasha entered.  
  
"So...which one?" he said. I could tell he was trying his best not to smirk.  
  
But...he was right. Which one? I know now, I love both of them. Shit, this is weird. What the hell am I supposed to do now? 


	10. The Question

Going Under  
  
The Question  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"How old are you?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"Are you a youkai?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"What's your favorite color?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"What's your favorite foods?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"Do you like squash?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"Do you like Sesshomaru-sama?"  
  
"KID-"  
  
"Rin, leave the woman alone."  
  
I jumped at the sudden voice. I looked over to the door and saw Sesshomaru standing in the doorframe. Rin stood up and walked out singing some song along the way. Sesshomaru closed the door and stepped in. I slid further into the futon pulling the blanket over my legs.  
  
"You must forgive her," his voice held laughter, though he wasn't laughing. "Rin never talked much until I found her. Since then she has only but asked questions. Since I ignored most of the questions she would ask Jaken. It seems she has someone else to question now."  
  
I felt a soft laugh escape me as I turned to meet his eyes. "What possessed you to take in a human child? A girl none the less. I thought you despised humans."  
  
Sesshomaru seemed to tense at my question. His face lost all emotion like it usually would. He turned his head staring at the door. "If you want to know the real reason, it was because I was tired of Jaken's babbling. I only kept him around for company. When Rin came along I knew I'd end up never talking to her much, but she seemed to be fun to watch around Jaken."  
  
I sensed the happiness and laughter in his voice start to return. "She is a sight, I must say. You would think the same if you watched her. She's innocent. Jaken suspects the reason I keep her around is because she helped try to heal me when I was near death. I repaid her for that act by bringing her back from hell. I don't know she knows she died, but she does remember the wolves. When you were out earlier Rin was with me for a short while. When that wolf walked in Rin started screaming at the top her lungs. When I finally calmed her down she said Kouga's wolves were the ones who attacked her."  
  
"That can't be!" I shouted sitting straight up. "Kouga would never hurt her!"  
  
Sesshomaru raised a brow suddenly making me nervous. I slowly lowered myself back down as he continued.  
  
"Kouga informed me that he did indeed attack her village. His heritage is that of man-eating wolves. Shortly after, he came across Kagome. He fell in love with her, and never ate a human afterwards."  
  
So Kouga did do it... but why would he stop? How could he fall for a human? It's just so strange.  
  
I felt a strange presence on me and looked up to find Sesshomaru staring me in the eye. My cheeks started to get the burning sensation again so I tried to look away, but something kept me from doing so. What was this? This is... the same feeling... when Kouga kissed me.  
  
I pulled my hand up setting it over my chest to feel my heart beat. It almost hurt. It reminded me again of when Kouga kissed me. The feelings and sensations were starting to return.  
  
"Wh-what are you..." I started. I felt my voice leaving me as he started to lean down towards me. I knew what was happening but my mind seemed to suddenly haze. The next thing I knew I felt his lips against mine and his arm reaching under me to pull me up. I reached my hands up and felt his slender neck. I moved my arms around them to pull myself up to him.  
  
"I've... always wanted you..." he breathed out breaking the kiss. I gasped feeling his lips again. I shuddered feeling his hand reach down and pull me into his lap. It must be hard with only one arm...  
  
"Ever since I laid eyes on you..." he said again. I let out a soft moan as he gave me no time to catch my breathe. I felt his tongue press against my lips begging entry. I wasted no time in replying. It felt like jolts of electricity were flowing through me. I felt hot and suddenly cold as shivers went down my spine. I felt my back arch towards him as another cold shiver went through me. His hand moved up pressing the back of my head. I felt another moan erupt from myself as our kiss deepened.  
  
*****  
  
Kouga growled faintly and closed the small crack in the door. He sighed letting his sadness show on his features as he walked down the corrider. So she'd chosen the inu youkai. She didn't want this ookami youkai.  
  
Kouga ducked his head and shut his eyes tightly. His fists clenched together and began to shake. A small stream of blood started to leak from his fingers. Kouga ignored the pain and bit his lip creating even more. Ever since Naraku forced Kagura to kill the last of his wolves he'd been unable to control his emotions. Ever since Kagura let him cry against her, since she'd told him it was alright to cry.  
  
"Damn it," he muttered as he opened his eyes letting the tears fall. He quickly made his way to the entrance and exited the taiyoukai's palace.  
  
*****  
  
I felt Sesshomaru pushing me down onto the futon when even I recognized a scent. Even if I wasn't a dog demon, I was a demon.  
  
"Sesshomaru," I whispered pulling myself slightly from his grasp. "I smell blood."  
  
Sesshomaru seemed to ignore me. I set my hands against his chest and pushed him up. "Sesshomaru," I said sternly. He seemed to take me seriously and stopped. He sat up but kept his hand on mine. I pulled it away and sat up ignoring the sensations in me. They were like the ones I had around Kouga, only stronger now. As I started to sway Sesshomaru stood up to catch me. I let him hold me until my vision came back.  
  
"Please, just let me go see."  
  
Sesshomaru let me go as I started for the door. "Gomen," I added and walked out. The smell of blood quickly became thicker once outside. I looked around and noticed a small spot a few feet away from the door. I walked toward it and spotted another crimson colored drip not too far away. I followed the constant spots until I came to the front door of the palance. I opened the door and peered outside. I turned my head to the side and spotted Kouga not to far away. I ran outside forgetting to close the door.  
  
"Kouga!" I yelled out to him. "Kouga!"  
  
He stopped but didn't turn around. As I finally caught up he turned to me. I felt a knot of guilt twist up in my stomach at his face. I swear, he looks like he'd been crying. Though there was no wetness, his eyes had a tinge of red around them. His smile was fake. I could feel the sadness emitting from his soul. It astounded me. Where demons really able to tell all these things? I could never sense them before.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked softly. I looked down at his hand which had been clenched up until I started to approach him. I saw a glint of red on his finger. I reached the tip my kimono's sleeve and tore a piece of the red and white fabric off.  
  
"You're bleeding," I answered and reached for his hand. I turned it over and was suprised to see four cuts. Had he cut himself? They looked like claw marks. I took the small article in my hand and wrapped it around his palm and securly tied it.  
  
"Thank you," he said in the same tone as before. He started to turn around away from me. I grabbed his hand with both of mine making him stop again.  
  
"If something wrong?" I asked. Kouga turned to look at me again. His smile slowly faded and he sighed turning his head away.  
  
"Kagura, it's complicated. I'm confused and need to sort some things out. Please, let go."  
  
His voice held more sadness than before now. He asked me to let go; he could easily pull his hand from mine without even harming me. Yet, he's asking me to let go as though he wants me to leave.  
  
"Kouga..." I let his hand slip from mine and pulled mine back. I watched him walk past the gates out of the palace grounds. I sighed heavily and walked to the gardens. I sat down on one of the benches and stared down at my lap. I reached into the sleeve of my kimono pulling my fan out. With a simple flick of my wrist it opened up. I felt the winds hault awaiting my commands. I slowly closed it back up letting the winds shift and blow at their own wills. I simply stared down at the fan in my hands letting time slide away. I'm not sure how long I sat there but was soon awoken from my thoughts.  
  
"It's late," a voice made me jump. I turned my head to see Sesshomaru walking around the bench and sitting next to me.  
  
"Is everything alright?"  
  
I sighed and looked up at the gate and towards the direction Kouga had left. "Sesshomaru, what do you do when you love two people?"  
  
There was something about his smile I didn't quite like. It's as though he knew what I was thinking.  
  
"These... two people. Do they love you back?"  
  
I nodded. "I've been with both...but..."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I don't know what to do. I want to be with both of them. I'm afraid that if I stay with one, the other will be sad."  
  
"That is true, one will end up sad."  
  
I looked up to him. He had that look on his face again. "But...how do I know which to stay with and which to leave? How will I know when I have the right one. How-"  
  
His fingers against my lips prevented any further questions. Slowly he lowered his hand placing it on my chest where my heart slowly started to beat faster.  
  
"Follow your heart."  
  
I felt my face flush as he stood and walked back into the palace. I lifted my hand setting it against my chest where his hand had been. Follow...my heart? How-  
  
Oh, to hell with the questions. I need some sleep.  
  
I stood and followed where he had gone into the palace. I went into the room he'd provided with me and lied down onto the futon to sleep. 


	11. NOTICE

NOTICE  
  
Alright, I'm officially convinced that I'm going to have a hard time NOT failing the 8th grade. Life's tough, ya' know? I'm done slacking off in school, and I'm gonna stop thinking about Inu Yasha and try to concentrate on school, even if it means quitting these stories. THEY ARE NOT DISCONTINUED! They are postponed... for a few months at the most. I'll still write on weekends and holidays, but I'll be on AOL less, writing less, watching TV less, ect. I'm failing a math class because of missing homework grades. And what am I doing while I should be doing homework? I'm working these damned stories! So I'm stopping until my grades come up.  
  
Consider myself 'grounded' off the computer, by me.  
  
-Ayame Narita  
  
aka Kin 


End file.
